Free agency as my Dear mother in law puts it is a "mothers worst enemy". I saw this step into agency before, and I am seeing again as I let my five year old walk himself (sometimes) to class. How heartbreaking that he doesn't want me to follow him or let me hold his hand. I keep asking him not to grow up but I cant stop it.
Sometimes these steps into agency are seamless and go unnoticed, other steps are big and they need our help and when they finally get it is amazing, and some we do not want them to take and we try and protect them but we cant.
As my older two children grow and progress I am finding the enemy of agency creep its ugly little head again. They can maneuver and manipulate both their parents and others. This can lead you wonder how in the world you didn't notice certain things and wonder how everyone sees it but you. Communication between a parent and child is essential, but when that child has a hard time telling you things, you don't know how to help them and by the time they come to you, they have to answer and pay the consequences for what they have done or said. It is a hard road to travel.
I know the things I am dealing with are nothing compared to some others but I am having a hard time trying to decide how to handle a situation and some feelings might be hurt and there maybe more drama than I can handle at the moment. The normal avenues for handling things cant be taken and I am having a hard time trusting anyone that I talk to about this. I am so mad and, hurt over allegations and rumors being spread that I want to scream. If you know me at all I cant stand to see any one hurt or mad and I am always trying to the point sacrificing myself so that others don't feel bad. It is killing me that I may have to make a deciscion that might make someone else upset but I have to do it so I can protect my free agency and that of my child.
Sorry if vented to much but this is where I am at this moment and I cant pretend that I am not here.
2 comments:
By all means VENT, we all need to sometimes!! Hope things work them selves out soon:)((HUGS))
Sometimes the consequences to a persons mistake IS having feelings hurt. It is one of the most important things to make sure that the person who was the cause knows that WAS ONE of the effects! Obviously doing your best to do so without further offense. However, if you are chosing to sacrifice yourself for others feelings, you may want to rethink what you are doing. (WWJD-What Would Jesus Do?) Good Luck!
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