This time....

This time of year is hard for me, and for many reasons.  Its hard because money is always tight, but I can handle that and life goes on.  My kids may not get all that they want or what I want them to get but we make it through and we are blessed.  Bills seem to stack up and that seems to take away from the christmas spirit and make it hard to remember the real reason why we celebrate the birth of ou Savior.  I try to put things up that help me remember but sometimes I dont want that reminder because I want to be mad and feel sorry for myself.

Another reason this month is so hard is because it is the same month that I lost or miscarried twins 19 years ago.   I was four months along and I started bleeding as I was out christmas shopping.  It was pretty scary for me not having been pregnant before.  I was put on complete bed rest and put on meds to stop the contractions.  When I went in to the Doctor for a  check on the babies there were no heart beats.   They had died.  All I could do was wait for my body to finish the labor and have them.  I had one at home and one at the hospital.  They were tiny, I could hold them in the palm of my hand.  I  have a wondeful doctor that took my hand and explained that Heavenly Father had a plan for them and that they did not need to come at this time.  It is harder some years to deal with this than others and this year it is hard. 

I went on to have a Beautiful Baby Girl two years later and she was born the day after Christmas.  Labor was long and hard but she eventually got here.  I had to have an emergecny c-section.   I am so thankful that Heavenly Father granted the gift of two more babies after her.  I didnt have them naturally.  I had to have them by c-section.  It is a joke between my husband and I that neither one of us "know nothing about birthing no babies"  (Gone with the Wind). 

Even though things are hard for me right now I know Heavenly Father has a plan for me and I will be able to hold my babies in my arms and raise them later.  I have Three wonderful kids and an Awesome husband who puts up with ranting and crying when I have my breakdowns each december.   

Well I am off with my Three wonderful blessings to do some christmas shopping.  I hope they can get along and not fight and we can have a good day just being together.  Haha  ya right!  We will see how long that lasts. hehe.